100 Films Tell the History of the World, pt 3/3 (Gandhi-Zero Dark Thirty)

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Film, History, Movies

Here’s part 3 of 3, of an attempt to tell the history of the (mostly western) world through films. Here’s the last 80 or so years, via what I think to be the 35 movies that tell it best. (And yes there are a lot of WW2 films here, but people keep making them.)

 

66. Gandhi (1982) – 1930s-1940s: A little peace of history.

67. Land & Freedom (1995) – 1930s: The Spanish Civil War, as directed by Ken Loach.

68. Rabbit Proof Fence (2002) – 1930s: Three stolen girls follow the yellow-sand road in the land of Oz.

69. The Battle of Britain (1969) – 1940: In Britain, the Allies take to the skies.

70. The Bridge on the River Kwai (1957) – 1942-1943: In Burma, POWs battle with what’s right and wrong.

71. Saving Private Ryan (1998) – 1944: In occupied France, D-Day.

72. Schindler’s List (1993) – 1939-1945: In Germany, an industrialist works for his staff.

73. The Pianist (2002) – 1939-1945: In Poland, devastation.

74. Flags of our Fathers/Letters from Iwo Jima (2006) – 1945: In Japan, two sides to the Battle of Iwo Jima.

75. Downfall (2005) – 1945: In the Berlin bunker, the days of Fuhrer past.

76. The Right Stuff (1983) – 1947-1963: The Space Race is ace.

77. Good Night, and Good Luck (2005) – 1953: McCarthy, Murrow, anti-Communist investigations and newscasters who’d smoke.

78. LA Confidential (1997) – 1953: The sign’s not the only thing about Hollywood that’s crooked.

79. The Motorcycle Diaries (2004) – 1955-1967: Che (Guevara)’s the one

80. Thirteen Days (2000) – 1962: A missile crisis: Cuban, heals.

81. Dr Strangelove (1964) – 1960s: Another missile crisis, this one fictitious. But how close we came to: “The bomb, Dmitri…”

82. JFK (1991) – 1961-1966: Garrison does Dallas.

83. American Graffiti (1973) – 1962: A long time ago, in a Californian town far, far away…

84. Platoon (1985) – 1967: Mourning Vietnam.

85. Made in Dagenham (2010) – 1968: “Ford? A Few Dollars More…”

86. Apollo 13 (1995) – 1970: Hanks has a problem.

87. All The President’s Men (1976) – 1972: The Watergate Scandal: Break-in news.

88. The Ice Storm (1997) – 1973: Two families enlighten up.

89. The Killing Fields (1984) – 1973-1979: The Khmer Rouge’s genocide: tough but vital viewing.

90. Dazed & Confused (1993) – 1976: School’s out forever.

91. Goodbye Bafana (2007) – 1980s: The long stay before the long walk to freedom..

92. Charlie Wilson’s War (2007) – 1980s: His war, the Soviets’ war, the Afghans’ war, now our war.

93. The Lives of Others (2006) – 1984: A compelling tale of East German (click) life. Did you hear that?

94. Wall Street (1987) – 1985: Gordon Gekko cleans up, with two Mr Sheens.

95. Black Hawk Down (2001) – 1993: The Somali Civil War: the West intervenes.

96. Hotel Rwanda (2004) – 1994: The Rwandan genocide: the West doesn’t intervene..

97. World Trade Center (2006) – 2001: Towers fall; courage rises.

98. The Social Network (2010) – 2003: Mark Zuckerberg invites old friends to be unfriended.

99. Four Lions (2010) – 2000s: Dad’s Jihad’s Army.

100. Zero Dark Thirty (2012) – 2001-2012: Do not mess with Special Forces…

 

So there you have it. You don’t agree with some choices? Of course you don’t. It’s a list. It’s there to be disagreed with. Just make sure you’ve watched all 100 films before you do though…

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History Retold By 100 Films, pt 1/3 (The Tree of Life – Apocalypto)

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Film, Movies, themovietimeline.com

About a year ago I posted an attempt to wade through history via 100 films. There were suggestions, tweaks, omissions and additions. There is No Way You Can Get It Right, so here’s the latest attempt. It’s west-skewed by default, because that’s where I know my history, and that’s where I’ve seen my films. I’d love to include more on the history of the Arabian peninsula, the rise of the Indian subcontinent and how Denmark got its Lego, but I’ve just not seen those films. If you have, let me know and the list may yet change again.

If this tickles your fancy, I’ve a wealth of more of this nonsense on my site www.TheMovieTimeline.com, or get a daily tweet of today’s filmic event by following www.twitter.com/MovieTimeline.

For now, here’s the first third or so, from 1-30, from Scrat to the Mayans…

1. The Tree of Life (2011) – The beginning of time: The universe begins, volcanoes erupt, a dinosaur feels compassion, then is wiped out by an asteroid.
2. Ice Age (2002) – 100,000BC: A mammoth, a sloth, a saber-toothed squirrel, and two Brontops (odd, since they became extinct four million years previously) try to avoid the oncoming ice age.
3. Quest For Fire (1981) – 80,000BC: No ‘One Million Years BC’ interaction of humans and dinosaurs here. Homo sapiens and Neanderthals vie for control of fire, with Desmond Morris making sure everyone aped apes.
4. Land of the Pharaohs (1956) – 2580 BC: Joan Collins builds the Great Pyramid (with help). Can’t say Pharaoh than that.
5. The Ten Commandments (1956) – 1400 BC: “Let my people go!” Charlton’s athletic.
6. Troy (2004) – 1200BC: Horsey, horsey, don’t you stop… Beware of Greeks bearing gits.
7. King Lear (1971) – 800BC: Shakespeare’s earliest-set work sees us among British Celts.
8. 300 (2007) – 480BC: Controversial, took liberties, but it got people who don’t like history to watch a version of the Battle of Thermopylae.
9. Spartacus (1960) – 73BC: A version in 1953 said, “I’m Spartacus!” And a 2004 remake also said, “I’m Spartacus!” Then the TV series in 2010 said… you get the idea.
10. Julius Caesar (1953) – 44BC: He came, he saw, he invented a salad and some dogfood.
11. Cleopatra (1963) – 48-30BC: The biggest sets, the most extras… what a Carry On.
12. The Nativity Story (2006) – 2BC: The very first Noel.
13. Ben-Hur (1959) – 26-35AD: Chariots of ire.
14. The Passion of the Christ (2004) – 33AD: The Long Good Friday.
15. The Life of Brian (1979) – 33AD: Because some leaders weren’t Messiahs, they were very naughty boys.
16. Gladiator (2000) – 180AD: A commotion for Commodus: “Gladiator, you will go on my first whistle…”
17. Red Cliff (2008) – 208AD: In the Three Kingdoms era, broken China.
18. King Arthur (2004) – 400AD: Arthur lances, a lot.
19. Attila (1954) – 406-453AD: Hun, I Shrunk The Army.
20. Macbeth (1971) – Scotland, 1050: Is this Keith Chegwin as Banquo’s son I see before me?
    
    
21. Mongol (2007) – 1170-1206: The wrath of (Genghis) Khan.
22. The Lion In Winter (1968) – England, 1183: Henry II, Eleanor of Aquitaine nil.
23. Kingdom of Heaven (2005) – Jerusalem, 1190: Orlando Bloom’s crusading for a bruising.
24. The Adventures of Robin Hood (1938) – England, 1190: No dodgy Crowe accents, no dodgy Costner’s bottom, just Errol Flynn in green tights buckling some swash.
25. Ironclad (2011) – England, 1215: Paul Giamatti can’t get into Rochester Castle, even though he chews all the scenery.
26. Braveheart (1995) – Britain, 1290s: William Wallace fights for freeedommmm till he’s blue in the face.
27. The Seventh Seal (1957)­ – Sweden, 1349: Things get plaguey. Knight takes on Death: “We’re gonna have chess on a beach…”
    
    
28. Henry V (1944) – 1415: Henry v the French: “Once more unto the breach…”
29. Joan of Arc (1948) – France, 1429: During the Hundred Years’ War, there’s a lot at stake.
30. Apocalypto (2006) – 1502: Mayans choose favourite REM song, either ‘The End of the World as We Know It’ or ‘Losing My Religion’.

31-60 coming soon… 

www.TheMovieTimeline.com

Noah – My problem with the film (and it’s not the rock-monsters)

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Film, Genesis, Noah

(Probably best read after seeing the film, due to spoilerishness)

I’m later than many, but finally got on board this new Noah film, in which Russell Crowe plays a crow-rustler (and rustler of every other animal). Overall I thought it was a bit wet with a strong narrative ark.

Much has been made of the rock-monsters. And while no Bible mentions the word ‘rock-monsters’, fair enough it does in one verse hint at a race of large descendents of angels. So all Darrenarren Aronofsky has done is interpret them as pebble-dashed Transformers.

Weirdly I had far less of a problem with that than with what happens on the ark itself. The biblical Noahic account is just under 100 verses long. Barely enough for a short film. So they had to add stuff. So why did they take stuff away? Genesis 7:6 speaks of Noah taking his sons’ wives on board. So (SPOILERS!) why did Russell Croah only take on one son’s missus? In fact he goes out of his way to make sure his middle son doesn’t take a wife on board. Now I understand that the film I saw needn’t be a word-for-word retelling of the Bible story (my recent publication ‘Genesis: The Bibluffer’s Guide’ certainly doesn’t – have I mentioned that book? I have but you’ve yet to buy a copy? Well it’s here then: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Genesis-Bibluffers-Guide-Paul-Kerensa/dp/0232530750/). It’s an interpretation. But I see no benefit to re-interpreting it so that Noah practically kills off his future daughter-in-law, when all versions till now have had him bringing on-board enough spouses for all his chiddlers. It just causes that giant question-mark at the end of the film: Is the human race going to develop entirely from Hermione Grainger?

Speaking of whom, the whole dramatic crux of the film (although crux is really a New Testament concept) is (MORE SPOILERS!) Russell Crowe being convinced that his job is to ensure no future humanity survives. So he chases after Emma Watson and her newborns. I should have been moved by this. I was utterly devoid of worry though, as we all know he won’t do it. And in today’s day and age, given the international reach of cinema, I find it worrying that the film purveys the attitude that male babies should live while female babies should be instantly killed. There are cultures today that still practise or preach this – it is a centuries-old attitude that is far from being extinct on this planet. How utterly unhelpful to add this to the Noah narrative, when it doesn’t feature at all in the Genesis account. Portray what’s in the book by all means, add extra plotlines, dialogue and characters – even mad old King Tubalcain – by all means. But to fabricating something like this that adds nothing, yet only creates possible harm in the world? Personally I found the ‘female babies to be scrapped’ plotline at best unhelpful and at worst potentially damaging. I never thought I’d be glad that the film was banned in Qatar, UAE and Egypt, but given that these are some of the scarier countries when it comes to gender difference, I found myself glad of it.

On a lighter note, the effects were good. And the whole ‘creation retold by Noah’ was excellent I thought. It showed how evolution and the biblical creation narrative can co-exist, and also how Cain & Abel’s tale can be seen as an allegory for all human violence, rather than just about two rowing siblings.

All in all, a miss, but I’m glad they’ve done it. It’s good to see a bit of Bible on-screen, and it helps visualise it a little. But to those who’ve not read the book of the film: the Noah I’ve glimpsed in those 99 verses is a little less child-killy. And Mrs Ham seems to come out of it a little better…

As for what Ridley Scott and Christian Bale will make of Exodus, we’ll find out this December.

The top 5 biblical movies – and the worst…

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Bible, Film, Genesis, Movies, Noah

The publishers of an excellent forthcoming book retelling stories from Genesis in entertaining style (http://www.amazon.co.uk/Genesis-Bibluffers-Guide-Paul-Kerensa/dp/0232530750/) asked me to write up my favourite five biblical films, so you can see those here…

http://www.dltbooks.com/magazine/1987-paul-kerensa-s-top-five-bible-movies

…And it reminded me of a blog post I did years ago about what I’m pretty sure is the worst biblical film adaptation ever abominalised:

 

Noah’s Ark (1999):

Starring Angelina Jolie’s dad as Noah, and Clara Doc’s wife from Back To The Future III as Mrs Noah. Now I don’t mind the odd liberty being taking to dramatise a story like this. And I’m sure not everyone reading this will be familiar with the finer points of the Noah’s Ark story. But I’m sure all of you must know that nowhere in the original text does it even hint that there are pirates…

That’s right, NBC suggest that God wiped out everyone on the planet, apart from Noah, his family, all the animals, and, oh, the odd ragtag bunch of angry villagers who cobbled together a few planks to make something that floats. Scenes like this make this look sub-Waterworld, which is saying something.

Furthermore, while the original version has Noah welcome his wife, his sons and their wives onto the ark, in this version, Noah piles on his wife, his sons, and then three random women. It’s only during the course of the ark’s journey that the three sons start getting randy, a bit assaulty, so Noah intervenes and says, “Hey! You’ve got to get married first!”

You’d have thought God would be angered by this Noah’s sons’ lusty intentions, but he’s too busy playing with Noah’s head by offering him mirages of dry land, then laughing when Noah realises it’s just an illusion. Ha! The prankster God, so seldom seen in the King James Version. Yet here he’s also the impulsive God: at the end of NBC’s ‘Noah’s Ark: Beyond The Thunderdome’ (it might as well be), God decides that actually he’s going to kill Noah, his family and all the animals after all. Noah begs God, but to no avail. So Noah starts whistling. It is a funny whistle. He even does a little dance with it (in Jon Voight’s most demeaning screen appearance since – no, including Anaconda). God likes the whistle/dance combo, laughs, and lets Noah off. I must have missed that bit in Genesis.

Hang on – if that’s what changes His mind, why has no one else done this since? When Hitler pulled out his gun in his bunker, did he pucker up, do a few bars of Deutschland Deutschland Uber Alles, a little jig, and Bob’s your Onkel?

Oh, and Mrs Noah tries to kill all the animals she doesn’t like. And they all go mad, like in Cast Away. They start chanting and wanting to sacrifice each other, and I wouldn’t put it past them to have conversations with a football called Wilson. Then there’s a peddler man, who, like the pirates, somehow survived the flood. He’s played by James Coburn, and sells useful items, novelties, party tricks… Noah doesn’t buy anything, which must nark the peddler a bit, because I can’t imagine there are many boats around. Unless as well as Noah’s Ark, there’s also Jeff’s Ark, Steve’s Ark, etc, which I wouldn’t put past ’em.

Some countries saw sense. Malaysia banned this film – although not based on quality, but because it bans the depiction of any prophets of Islam, including Noah and “pirate leader” (according to NBC) Lot. For once, Sharia Law and decent film criticism overlap. In America, it unfortunately was a little more viewed: it was NBC’s most-watched movie for the next 5 years. Yeech. It’s scary to think of how many Americans now think of Noah as some kind of stoned pirate fighter with a penchant for whistle-dances.

Paul’s Movie Quiz – quickfire round

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Film, Movie Banter, Movies, Quiz

 

It’s time for my tri-quarterly quiz. Answers on a postcard to a person of your choosing, or as a comment beneath. I’ve stolen back a round from myself that was used on our Movie Banter podcast, so this is:

The Movie Quiz: Quickfire Round…

1. The —— and the Dead

2. What hot substance is the feature of the film Backdraft?

3. Bill Murray film: —— Change

4. Harry Potter and the Goblet of —–?

5. In Roxanne, Steve Martin’s character C.D. Bales fights what for a living?

6. British actress Diana who, appeared in Saving Grace, Wilt and The Affair of the Necklace?

7. Denzel Washington film: Man on —-?

8. In The Simpsons Movie, the shop is called the what E Mart?

9. Clint Eastwood film: In The Line of —–?

10. Monty Python and the Holy Grail features knights of the what table?