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1917: Sam Mendes does Calendar Theory, probably without fully knowing it

17 Friday Jan 2020

Posted by paulkerensa in Uncategorized

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1917, Bonfire Night, Calendar Theory, Film, fire, Sam Mendes, screenplay, Screenwriting, War, Writing

Right then – PK’s Writing Blog is back. It’s a place where I (b)log screen things that help/nudge/remind anything about the writing process – with a particular view on story structure.

Writers have a love/hate relationship with structure. Some see it is a must, to get the bones of the story in precise place before you write a word. Others write by the seat of their pants. I think the best path is probably somewhere in the middle: writing’s an art and a craft, so sometimes you need to lock down the stricter craft, while other times you need to let art run away with itself.

My method? The (arty) idea comes first, with a concept, a character/their relationships, a conflict, and a conquest of that conflict – ooh that’s all Cs, that makes a handy Powerpoint slide. Then the (crafty) thrashing-out of the story, with lots and back-and-forths to (arty) character-forming, concept-tweaking, setting the setting and so on. Then a first (arty) draft based on the (crafty) outline, (crafty) rewrites and redrafts, and from there on the crafty bits mostly show me the problems and the arty bits hopefully provide a few fancy answers.

I can’t help you much with the art. But the craft… that’s what this blog’s about. (Except at Christmas. Then this blog is about Christmas.)

So I thought I’d zoom in on one excellent example of this: Sam Mendes’ outstanding Oscar-bound film, 1917. Spoilers of that will be below, but you’ll know where because I’ll say SPOILERS in big letters.

Previously on this blog, I proposed my story structure theory. Well it’s a pattern. Well it’s a thing, based on the calendar year. I call it Calendar Theory. I’m writing it up as a book, but for now, I’m blogging here about how it fits with certain films. Familiar elements of the calendar year – from human festivals to natural seasons to those handy equinoxes – are helpful markers in many films’ storylines. We’ve tried it on Mary Poppins Returns already. So now, 1917.

1917-sam-mendes-still-01

Spot the continuity error. Clue: it’s clothing-based. (Alright it’s the bloke in the middle.)

1917 is a visually incredible, directorially how-the-hell-did-they-film-that, one-shot masterpiece. Well it looks like one shot. There are cuts, but that doesn’t matter. It’s real-time (almost), and it feels like one very big breath. But narratively, it’s hitting all those points that almost every other film does. In stunning fashion, yes – giant kudos to writers Krysty Wilson-Cairns and Mr Mendes. To make us like it, I think it has to hit familiar markers.

Here’s how I think 1917 fits with Calendar Theory:

SPOILERS BEGIN NOW. Come back when you’ve seen the film, or read on if you don’t mind having it spoiled (though it won’t spoil it really, because how they portray it – the art on top – is breathtaking).

JANUARY: New Year/new start… Blake and Schofield wake up, almost literally coming out of hibernation. The setting is revealed: the cold, hungry Western Front.

FEBRUARY: Valentine’s… Not romantic, but no man is an island, so we need an encounter. Blake + Schofield = our key relationship. It leads to a reluctant opportunity… to go behind supposed enemy lines to deliver a message, to save over a thousand troops. But a thousand troops isn’t enough – to make it personal, those troops include Blake’s brother. Characters start a story; relationships spark it into continuing.

MARCH: They’ve had their invitation (well, their order). They would never refuse that order, yet there’s still Debate (as story theorist Blake Snyder would have it) or Refusal of the Call (as story theorist Joseph Campbell would have it). I think it’s more that our main duo have a difference of opinion as to how it should be done. Neither’s refusing to go, but Schofield wants to wait till nightfall, Blake wants to go now – his brother’s life is at stake. Look at any film or TV show: even characters on the same path, on the same journey, constantly disagree about how it should be done.

The Spring Equinox (late March) marks where our story marches (pun intended) from Act 1 into Act 2. Others call this Crossing The Threshold. Here they’re taking a major risk going over the top into no man’s land.

There’s often an Easter moment at this point in films – a glimpse of the divine. Is it a coincidence that their march into Act 2 is marked by Andrew Scott (Fleabag’s priest, no less) blessing them as they go over the top? Possibly. But there are an astounding number of glimpse-of-the-divine moments at this point in films/shows/books.

APRIL: Like many narrative theories, this one’s based on the three-act structure, going right back to Aristotle. Beginning, Muddle, End. So April starts Act 2, with an April Fool moment, as the duo discover giant craters, before the tension builds to… an empty German trench. Then a proper ‘fool’ moment when they encounter a tripwire.

April showers come when the German trench caves in on them – a lucky escape, but at this stage, we always knew they’d escape. That saving moment is crucial though, and will resonate through the film.

There’s even then a moment of ‘Spring’ talk, when the two soldiers chat about cherry blossom as they pass through an orchard. At this stage of stories there’s hope. Nature is blooming… mirrored later in the autumn of the story: cows deliberately killed so the Allies can’t eat them – the death of nature. That’s for later. For now, we’re talking about hope. (Am I reading too much into this? No. Is this bloom/death of nature deliberate in the scriptwriting? Definitely.) It’s the calm before a summer storm…

MAY: Maypole… Sub-characters weave in and out, which asks ‘Who can we trust?’ In 1917 this starts with planes flying past; the duo aren’t sure if they’re ours or theirs. Then that trust question is brought home in the dogfight and its fateful crash…

Mayfair… The mirror image of Halloween to come, hinting at bigger crisis later. In most films, later Halloween is mirrored here in a safe-yet-scary moment, (BIG SPOILER COMING) but in 1917, it’s fatal. The dogfight crashes a German plane. When our heroes rescue the doomed pilot, he fatally stabs Blake. Notably it’s Blake who wanted to save the pilot – if it was Schofield, he’d spend the rest of the film under the shadow of guilt, that he chose wrong. That doesn’t happen – Schofield is working under enough pressure without throwing guilt in too.

JUNE: Family picnic rained off… As Blake dies, he speaks of family and asks Schofield to write to his mum for him.

This scene is also our midpoint, the Longest Day of late June in Calendar Theory terms. Rising action before, falling action after, some say. Charting the story like a graph, this is our mountain-top: before, the hero couldn’t fully see the task ahead, but at this point, he can see the scale of it. So in 1917, what was a mission for a duo becomes a renewed mission for one.

JULY: School’s out/end of learning… Mark Strong and co pick up Schofield. There’s a moment of the new soldiers bantering, doing impressions of top brass. It’s the end of the school year, highlighting faulty logic and essentially graduating our hero.

AUGUST: The long hot summer… The ‘summer’ of stories are often on fast-forward. Time speeds up. In comedies (or Rocky films), there might be a montage. Here, there’s a time-jump in a mo, but that’s not what I mean. I mean Schofield’s journey literally speeds up when the lorry accelerates his journey. It gives him thinking-time and a chance to try new skills…

Summer camp… When the lorry is stuck in the mud, Schofield urges the soldiers (strangers) to get out and push with him. Push hard. They succeed on Schofield’s cry, and sure enough it’s him that ends up face down in the mud. He is suffering for his mission, and this is the time to hone those skills (resilience, digging deep) that will be needed later (for, SPOILER, the sprint across the battlefield).

SEPTEMBER: Fall, when we think it’s summer… When least expected, shots are fired over the river. We dropped our guard. We were enjoying the summer too much, and didn’t notice the nights draw in. The dark literally draws in when Schofield is shot. Blackout. The Autumn Equinox is here. It’s not quite our Act 3 yet though – in the Calendar Theory model, that’s December. To get us there, first we have…

OCTOBER: Scares! Schofield wakes and it’s night. Come on – if this doesn’t remind us of the seasonal shape of the year, I don’t know what does. There are even fires, like our winter bonfires, to light up the night, to burn the past, to scare us.

NOVEMBER: Heroic fireworks! Schofield races and chases his way through the physical dark. The emotionally darkest of moments is yet to come…

DECEMBER: Advent… The baby and mum brings a contemplative, reflective moment, full of anticipation, but calm. We need this moment, by Jiminy do we! I feel this scene was the writers’ gift to us, to carry us through the rest of the onslaught. Is it too much to read into this Advent moment, a baby as the hope the world needs? Alright, maybe. Coincidence. Maybe. Baby.

Shop early for Christmas… Something bought earlier in the film can be cleverly brought out here as a gift: milk. Makes me cry thinking about it. Beautiful.

End of term… But Schofield must leave Act 2 behind and run and jump into Act 3 – and here’s a literal divide and renewed commitment, as he jumps into the river. Like a schoolchild changing out of that uniform for the last time this year, his old self is washed away. The Act 3 self – the Christmas self – is what’s needed now – a product of everything he’s been through till now, a product of the full year till now. But the year’s not over yet…

The darkest day… Schofield climbing over dead bodies in the river is possibly the bleakest of bleak. Through the woods, when he finally encounters the troops he’s spent the ENTIRE film/year searching for, he barely recognises them. He’s bewitched by the song, which essentially is a Christmas carol.

December looks suspiciously like January… The trenches Schofield discovers are starkly reminiscent of the trenches from the start of the film. John Yorke’s book Into The Woods sees stories as journeys into the woods then back home again changed. Here Schofield embodies that, seeing these new trenches with greater purpose than the ones at the start – and he’s even just gone through literal woods to be here.

a6c56954-3839-11ea-a5b1-19fef2bd3e95

Schofield’s final sprint

Christmas Eve rush… The sprint along the battlefield is this moment incarnate. It’s Colin Firth running through the streets of Portugal at the end of Love Actually. It’s Marty McFly racing the Delorean before the lightning bolt strikes. It’s Sandra Bullock hurtling to Earth in Gravity. It’s the Christmas rush, often against the flow of pedestrian traffic – and sure enough here George MacKay is running at 90 degrees to the tide of the troops. In all these films, this dynamic scene thrills us and pulls on our heartstrings, because we’ve been with the hero for the whole year and know what it’s taken to be here.

Gifts, reunion… Against all odds, Schofield accomplishes his mission. And it’s a Christmas party of cameos: him from that film, him from that show. The hero is pretty much offered a festive drink here, but can’t take it, because it’s not over yet…

Family, security – Outside it’s snowing, but in here it’s cosy and warm… Alright this film doesn’t quite manage that physically, but emotionally oh yes. Despite the war around, we end the film in the security of the triage tent. Schofield finds Blake’s brother, handing over both news and the gifts of the first Blake’s possessions. A family reunion, of sorts.

New Year’s Eve: The film ends with an exact matching image of the very first image: Schofield sitting under a tree. Like the Bible, it starts and ends with a tree (this story pattern has been around for a loooooooong time). Schofield shows us pictures of his wife and daughters, that he’s not mentioned till now – this is his family reunion, and it’s even underneath a (Christmas) tree…

Okay, maybe strike the Christmas tree metaphor from the record – I’m reading too much in. Perhaps. But the tree as a symbol of hope and nature’s continuing revival is a huge one. That sense that we end yet start again having barely moved on, is there in this film, in the calendar year, in so many stories.

 

What a film. What a story.

So if you’re currently writing a story, have you accidentally (or deliberately) woven in any of those story points above? Does yours have a seasonal shape to it? Bet it does, even if you hadn’t noticed it. Till now…

 

100 Films Tell the History of the World, pt 3/3 (Gandhi-Zero Dark Thirty)

19 Monday May 2014

Posted by paulkerensa in Uncategorized

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Film, History, Movies

Here’s part 3 of 3, of an attempt to tell the history of the (mostly western) world through films. Here’s the last 80 or so years, via what I think to be the 35 movies that tell it best. (And yes there are a lot of WW2 films here, but people keep making them.)

 

66. Gandhi (1982) – 1930s-1940s: A little peace of history.

67. Land & Freedom (1995) – 1930s: The Spanish Civil War, as directed by Ken Loach.

68. Rabbit Proof Fence (2002) – 1930s: Three stolen girls follow the yellow-sand road in the land of Oz.

69. The Battle of Britain (1969) – 1940: In Britain, the Allies take to the skies.

70. The Bridge on the River Kwai (1957) – 1942-1943: In Burma, POWs battle with what’s right and wrong.

71. Saving Private Ryan (1998) – 1944: In occupied France, D-Day.

72. Schindler’s List (1993) – 1939-1945: In Germany, an industrialist works for his staff.

73. The Pianist (2002) – 1939-1945: In Poland, devastation.

74. Flags of our Fathers/Letters from Iwo Jima (2006) – 1945: In Japan, two sides to the Battle of Iwo Jima.

75. Downfall (2005) – 1945: In the Berlin bunker, the days of Fuhrer past.

76. The Right Stuff (1983) – 1947-1963: The Space Race is ace.

77. Good Night, and Good Luck (2005) – 1953: McCarthy, Murrow, anti-Communist investigations and newscasters who’d smoke.

78. LA Confidential (1997) – 1953: The sign’s not the only thing about Hollywood that’s crooked.

79. The Motorcycle Diaries (2004) – 1955-1967: Che (Guevara)’s the one

80. Thirteen Days (2000) – 1962: A missile crisis: Cuban, heals.

81. Dr Strangelove (1964) – 1960s: Another missile crisis, this one fictitious. But how close we came to: “The bomb, Dmitri…”

82. JFK (1991) – 1961-1966: Garrison does Dallas.

83. American Graffiti (1973) – 1962: A long time ago, in a Californian town far, far away…

84. Platoon (1985) – 1967: Mourning Vietnam.

85. Made in Dagenham (2010) – 1968: “Ford? A Few Dollars More…”

86. Apollo 13 (1995) – 1970: Hanks has a problem.

87. All The President’s Men (1976) – 1972: The Watergate Scandal: Break-in news.

88. The Ice Storm (1997) – 1973: Two families enlighten up.

89. The Killing Fields (1984) – 1973-1979: The Khmer Rouge’s genocide: tough but vital viewing.

90. Dazed & Confused (1993) – 1976: School’s out forever.

91. Goodbye Bafana (2007) – 1980s: The long stay before the long walk to freedom..

92. Charlie Wilson’s War (2007) – 1980s: His war, the Soviets’ war, the Afghans’ war, now our war.

93. The Lives of Others (2006) – 1984: A compelling tale of East German (click) life. Did you hear that?

94. Wall Street (1987) – 1985: Gordon Gekko cleans up, with two Mr Sheens.

95. Black Hawk Down (2001) – 1993: The Somali Civil War: the West intervenes.

96. Hotel Rwanda (2004) – 1994: The Rwandan genocide: the West doesn’t intervene..

97. World Trade Center (2006) – 2001: Towers fall; courage rises.

98. The Social Network (2010) – 2003: Mark Zuckerberg invites old friends to be unfriended.

99. Four Lions (2010) – 2000s: Dad’s Jihad’s Army.

100. Zero Dark Thirty (2012) – 2001-2012: Do not mess with Special Forces…

 

So there you have it. You don’t agree with some choices? Of course you don’t. It’s a list. It’s there to be disagreed with. Just make sure you’ve watched all 100 films before you do though…

History Retold By 100 Films, pt 1/3 (The Tree of Life – Apocalypto)

30 Wednesday Apr 2014

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Film, Movies, themovietimeline.com

About a year ago I posted an attempt to wade through history via 100 films. There were suggestions, tweaks, omissions and additions. There is No Way You Can Get It Right, so here’s the latest attempt. It’s west-skewed by default, because that’s where I know my history, and that’s where I’ve seen my films. I’d love to include more on the history of the Arabian peninsula, the rise of the Indian subcontinent and how Denmark got its Lego, but I’ve just not seen those films. If you have, let me know and the list may yet change again.

If this tickles your fancy, I’ve a wealth of more of this nonsense on my site www.TheMovieTimeline.com, or get a daily tweet of today’s filmic event by following www.twitter.com/MovieTimeline.

For now, here’s the first third or so, from 1-30, from Scrat to the Mayans…

  1. The Tree of Life (2011) – The beginning of time: The universe begins, volcanoes erupt, a dinosaur feels compassion, then is wiped out by an asteroid.
  2. Ice Age (2002) – 100,000BC: A mammoth, a sloth, a saber-toothed squirrel, and two Brontops (odd, since they became extinct four million years previously) try to avoid the oncoming ice age.
  3. Quest For Fire (1981) – 80,000BC: No ‘One Million Years BC’ interaction of humans and dinosaurs here. Homo sapiens and Neanderthals vie for control of fire, with Desmond Morris making sure everyone aped apes.
  4. Land of the Pharaohs (1956) – 2580 BC: Joan Collins builds the Great Pyramid (with help). Can’t say Pharaoh than that.
  5. The Ten Commandments (1956) – 1400 BC: “Let my people go!” Charlton’s athletic.
  6. Troy (2004) – 1200BC: Horsey, horsey, don’t you stop… Beware of Greeks bearing gits.
  7. King Lear (1971) – 800BC: Shakespeare’s earliest-set work sees us among British Celts.
  8. 300 (2007) – 480BC: Controversial, took liberties, but it got people who don’t like history to watch a version of the Battle of Thermopylae.
  9. Spartacus (1960) – 73BC: A version in 1953 said, “I’m Spartacus!” And a 2004 remake also said, “I’m Spartacus!” Then the TV series in 2010 said… you get the idea.
  10. Julius Caesar (1953) – 44BC: He came, he saw, he invented a salad and some dogfood.
  11. Cleopatra (1963) – 48-30BC: The biggest sets, the most extras… what a Carry On.
  12. The Nativity Story (2006) – 2BC: The very first Noel.
  13. Ben-Hur (1959) – 26-35AD: Chariots of ire.
  14. The Passion of the Christ (2004) – 33AD: The Long Good Friday.
  15. The Life of Brian (1979) – 33AD: Because some leaders weren’t Messiahs, they were very naughty boys.
  16. Gladiator (2000) – 180AD: A commotion for Commodus: “Gladiator, you will go on my first whistle…”
  17. Red Cliff (2008) – 208AD: In the Three Kingdoms era, broken China.
  18. King Arthur (2004) – 400AD: Arthur lances, a lot.
  19. Attila (1954) – 406-453AD: Hun, I Shrunk The Army.
  20. Macbeth (1971) – Scotland, 1050: Is this Keith Chegwin as Banquo’s son I see before me?
    Image
  21. Mongol (2007) – 1170-1206: The wrath of (Genghis) Khan.
  22. The Lion In Winter (1968) – England, 1183: Henry II, Eleanor of Aquitaine nil.
  23. Kingdom of Heaven (2005) – Jerusalem, 1190: Orlando Bloom’s crusading for a bruising.
  24. The Adventures of Robin Hood (1938) – England, 1190: No dodgy Crowe accents, no dodgy Costner’s bottom, just Errol Flynn in green tights buckling some swash.
  25. Ironclad (2011) – England, 1215: Paul Giamatti can’t get into Rochester Castle, even though he chews all the scenery.
  26. Braveheart (1995) – Britain, 1290s: William Wallace fights for freeedommmm till he’s blue in the face.
  27. The Seventh Seal (1957)­ – Sweden, 1349: Things get plaguey. Knight takes on Death: “We’re gonna have chess on a beach…”
    Image
  28. Henry V (1944) – 1415: Henry v the French: “Once more unto the breach…”
  29. Joan of Arc (1948) – France, 1429: During the Hundred Years’ War, there’s a lot at stake.
  30. Apocalypto (2006) – 1502: Mayans choose favourite REM song, either ‘The End of the World as We Know It’ or ‘Losing My Religion’.

31-60 coming soon… 

www.TheMovieTimeline.com

Noah – My problem with the film (and it’s not the rock-monsters)

22 Tuesday Apr 2014

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Film, Genesis, Noah

(Probably best read after seeing the film, due to spoilerishness)

I’m later than many, but finally got on board this new Noah film, in which Russell Crowe plays a crow-rustler (and rustler of every other animal). Overall I thought it was a bit wet with a strong narrative ark.

Much has been made of the rock-monsters. And while no Bible mentions the word ‘rock-monsters’, fair enough it does in one verse hint at a race of large descendents of angels. So all Darrenarren Aronofsky has done is interpret them as pebble-dashed Transformers.

Weirdly I had far less of a problem with that than with what happens on the ark itself. The biblical Noahic account is just under 100 verses long. Barely enough for a short film. So they had to add stuff. So why did they take stuff away? Genesis 7:6 speaks of Noah taking his sons’ wives on board. So (SPOILERS!) why did Russell Croah only take on one son’s missus? In fact he goes out of his way to make sure his middle son doesn’t take a wife on board. Now I understand that the film I saw needn’t be a word-for-word retelling of the Bible story (my recent publication ‘Genesis: The Bibluffer’s Guide’ certainly doesn’t – have I mentioned that book? I have but you’ve yet to buy a copy? Well it’s here then: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Genesis-Bibluffers-Guide-Paul-Kerensa/dp/0232530750/). It’s an interpretation. But I see no benefit to re-interpreting it so that Noah practically kills off his future daughter-in-law, when all versions till now have had him bringing on-board enough spouses for all his chiddlers. It just causes that giant question-mark at the end of the film: Is the human race going to develop entirely from Hermione Grainger?

Speaking of whom, the whole dramatic crux of the film (although crux is really a New Testament concept) is (MORE SPOILERS!) Russell Crowe being convinced that his job is to ensure no future humanity survives. So he chases after Emma Watson and her newborns. I should have been moved by this. I was utterly devoid of worry though, as we all know he won’t do it. And in today’s day and age, given the international reach of cinema, I find it worrying that the film purveys the attitude that male babies should live while female babies should be instantly killed. There are cultures today that still practise or preach this – it is a centuries-old attitude that is far from being extinct on this planet. How utterly unhelpful to add this to the Noah narrative, when it doesn’t feature at all in the Genesis account. Portray what’s in the book by all means, add extra plotlines, dialogue and characters – even mad old King Tubalcain – by all means. But to fabricating something like this that adds nothing, yet only creates possible harm in the world? Personally I found the ‘female babies to be scrapped’ plotline at best unhelpful and at worst potentially damaging. I never thought I’d be glad that the film was banned in Qatar, UAE and Egypt, but given that these are some of the scarier countries when it comes to gender difference, I found myself glad of it.

On a lighter note, the effects were good. And the whole ‘creation retold by Noah’ was excellent I thought. It showed how evolution and the biblical creation narrative can co-exist, and also how Cain & Abel’s tale can be seen as an allegory for all human violence, rather than just about two rowing siblings.

All in all, a miss, but I’m glad they’ve done it. It’s good to see a bit of Bible on-screen, and it helps visualise it a little. But to those who’ve not read the book of the film: the Noah I’ve glimpsed in those 99 verses is a little less child-killy. And Mrs Ham seems to come out of it a little better…

As for what Ridley Scott and Christian Bale will make of Exodus, we’ll find out this December.

The top 5 biblical movies – and the worst…

25 Saturday Jan 2014

Posted by paulkerensa in Uncategorized

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Bible, Film, Genesis, Movies, Noah

The publishers of an excellent forthcoming book retelling stories from Genesis in entertaining style (http://www.amazon.co.uk/Genesis-Bibluffers-Guide-Paul-Kerensa/dp/0232530750/) asked me to write up my favourite five biblical films, so you can see those here…

http://www.dltbooks.com/magazine/1987-paul-kerensa-s-top-five-bible-movies

…And it reminded me of a blog post I did years ago about what I’m pretty sure is the worst biblical film adaptation ever abominalised:

 

Noah’s Ark (1999):

Starring Angelina Jolie’s dad as Noah, and Clara Doc’s wife from Back To The Future III as Mrs Noah. Now I don’t mind the odd liberty being taking to dramatise a story like this. And I’m sure not everyone reading this will be familiar with the finer points of the Noah’s Ark story. But I’m sure all of you must know that nowhere in the original text does it even hint that there are pirates…

That’s right, NBC suggest that God wiped out everyone on the planet, apart from Noah, his family, all the animals, and, oh, the odd ragtag bunch of angry villagers who cobbled together a few planks to make something that floats. Scenes like this make this look sub-Waterworld, which is saying something.

Furthermore, while the original version has Noah welcome his wife, his sons and their wives onto the ark, in this version, Noah piles on his wife, his sons, and then three random women. It’s only during the course of the ark’s journey that the three sons start getting randy, a bit assaulty, so Noah intervenes and says, “Hey! You’ve got to get married first!”

You’d have thought God would be angered by this Noah’s sons’ lusty intentions, but he’s too busy playing with Noah’s head by offering him mirages of dry land, then laughing when Noah realises it’s just an illusion. Ha! The prankster God, so seldom seen in the King James Version. Yet here he’s also the impulsive God: at the end of NBC’s ‘Noah’s Ark: Beyond The Thunderdome’ (it might as well be), God decides that actually he’s going to kill Noah, his family and all the animals after all. Noah begs God, but to no avail. So Noah starts whistling. It is a funny whistle. He even does a little dance with it (in Jon Voight’s most demeaning screen appearance since – no, including Anaconda). God likes the whistle/dance combo, laughs, and lets Noah off. I must have missed that bit in Genesis.

Hang on – if that’s what changes His mind, why has no one else done this since? When Hitler pulled out his gun in his bunker, did he pucker up, do a few bars of Deutschland Deutschland Uber Alles, a little jig, and Bob’s your Onkel?

Oh, and Mrs Noah tries to kill all the animals she doesn’t like. And they all go mad, like in Cast Away. They start chanting and wanting to sacrifice each other, and I wouldn’t put it past them to have conversations with a football called Wilson. Then there’s a peddler man, who, like the pirates, somehow survived the flood. He’s played by James Coburn, and sells useful items, novelties, party tricks… Noah doesn’t buy anything, which must nark the peddler a bit, because I can’t imagine there are many boats around. Unless as well as Noah’s Ark, there’s also Jeff’s Ark, Steve’s Ark, etc, which I wouldn’t put past ’em.

Some countries saw sense. Malaysia banned this film – although not based on quality, but because it bans the depiction of any prophets of Islam, including Noah and “pirate leader” (according to NBC) Lot. For once, Sharia Law and decent film criticism overlap. In America, it unfortunately was a little more viewed: it was NBC’s most-watched movie for the next 5 years. Yeech. It’s scary to think of how many Americans now think of Noah as some kind of stoned pirate fighter with a penchant for whistle-dances.

Paul’s Movie Quiz – quickfire round

19 Tuesday Feb 2013

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Film, Movie Banter, Movies, Quiz

 

Image

It’s time for my tri-quarterly quiz. Answers on a postcard to a person of your choosing, or as a comment beneath. I’ve stolen back a round from myself that was used on our Movie Banter podcast, so this is:

The Movie Quiz: Quickfire Round…

1. The —— and the Dead

2. What hot substance is the feature of the film Backdraft?

3. Bill Murray film: —— Change

4. Harry Potter and the Goblet of —–?

5. In Roxanne, Steve Martin’s character C.D. Bales fights what for a living?

6. British actress Diana who, appeared in Saving Grace, Wilt and The Affair of the Necklace?

7. Denzel Washington film: Man on —-?

8. In The Simpsons Movie, the shop is called the what E Mart?

9. Clint Eastwood film: In The Line of —–?

10. Monty Python and the Holy Grail features knights of the what table?

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Recent additions to the Xmas stocking

  • CATCHING UP… with Dan Willis February 2, 2021
  • Gate-crechers: A Christmas poem December 23, 2020
  • Christmas Cancelled? Not Like in the 1640s… December 11, 2020
  • My new Writing Course – now on Zoom September 11, 2020
  • Father’s Day: What links JFK + Pirate Radio? June 21, 2020

My books on Goodreads

Recent additions to the Xmas stocking

  • CATCHING UP… with Dan Willis February 2, 2021
  • Gate-crechers: A Christmas poem December 23, 2020
  • Christmas Cancelled? Not Like in the 1640s… December 11, 2020
  • My new Writing Course – now on Zoom September 11, 2020
  • Father’s Day: What links JFK + Pirate Radio? June 21, 2020

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