The Missing Page 10

Tags

book, Genesis

My new book Genesis is now officially… out. If you’ve bought one, thanks. Please do leave the kindest review you can muster on Amazon, or indeed just tell folks if you liked it. If you haven’t bought one, well don’t worry, you’ve been busy.

A few folks read some advance bits – a crack team of brilliant proof-reading friends. I thank them from the bottom of my heart for their time dotting ‘t’s and crossing ‘i’s. No one read all of it, just bits, not to safeguard or anything (we’re not in JK Rowling territory here, and any plot secrets are already out there. Sorry to break it to you folks, but Cain kills Abel, Noah gets a bit rained on, and Abe doesn’t sacrifice his son – SPOILER ALERT), but so as not to bombard anyone with too much proofing to do.

Unfortunately I didn’t send the Foreward to anyone to proof-read (even though it opens the book, part of your brain is saying, “It’s only the Foreward.”) – a mistake, it now seems. Somewhere between me submitting the original manuscript to the publishers and the big book factory clicking print on several thousand copies, a whole page of the Foreward sort of… vanished. Looking back, every draft the publisher had send back to me for checking had it absent. A page had vanished, and I hadn’t even noticed. It’s my fault, and in my defence, the baby’s been waking all hours. But rest assured the rest of the book is thoroughly checked, proofed and accurate (except at the top of page 33 it says ‘Cain’ when it should say ‘Abel’ – oh I might as well start again…).

We all know Forewards just get in the way of the actual book in any case. Perhaps this was the Good Lord’s way of saying, “Paul, you don’t need that bit. You should have asked Me to edit your book.” (NB: Not sure if God would capitalise Himself as ‘Me’ – must ask a proof-reader) So on the upside, the actual book kicks off a little more quickly than it otherwise would have. But alas it means the thankyous are lost, unless I handwrite them in each book (which is what a truly thankful person would do, but unfortunately I can’t find a pen).

So to the proof-readers, I apologise. I’ll make it up to you in the next book, if there is a next book. Know that I did write a big ol’ thankyou, and should anyone want to read it, here it is below. It does of course follow on from the first page of the Foreward, so, you know, if you’ve got a book already, maybe print this bit out and glue it in on page 10. It begins with my explanatory notes on what I was trying to undertake…

I’ve left very little out, and goodness knows I’ve thrown a few bits in. Trust me, Genesis has no reference to Adam & Eve sharing a flat, or God calling a technical support helpline before The Flood. There was never a Sodom & Gomorrah edition of Come Dine With Me, and as far as I’m aware Joseph never appeared on The Apprentice. Throughout I draw on various translations and commentaries, and I’ve even gone back to the ancient Hebrew, who said, ‘Oy gevalt, who you calling ancient, you shmendrik!’

A thousand thankyous to my patient wife and kids during this undertaking, and to my folks and in-laws for extended periods of childcare. As for the proofreaders, their worth they’re wait in gold. So thanks Mark Woodward, Jon Holloway and James & Tabitha Smith. And thanks to Helen & Robin Bateman, whose names I left out of the foreward for my previous book (which is, of course, still available). Thanks too to David Moloney and all on the DLT ark, and Nick Ranceford-Hadley and the tribe of Noel Gay.

…And yes I appreciate the irony that this included a thankyou to two people who I forgot to thank in the first book. So their thankyou for book 1 will now appear in book 3.

So that’s what happened to the missing page 10. As for the other 127 pages, you’ll have to buy one… http://www.amazon.co.uk/Genesis-Bibluffers-optimistic-66-part-collection/dp/0232530750/

 

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When I surveyed the wondrous cross-section of UK Christianity

Tags

book, church, radio 2, survey

The Church of England apparently got in a bit of hot water with a prayer survey they’ve undertaken. Well we’re all about God of God, Light of Light, not poll of polls. And it’s very difficult to count results when you’re doing a prayer survey – a lot of people are kneeling, and you don’t know if someone’s hand in the air means they’re saying yes to your question or maybe they’re a Pentecostal.

For my book (out yesterday, Amazon link here: http://www.amazon.co.uk/So-Comedian-Walks-Into-Church/dp/0232529795/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1362738146&sr=8-1, but I’d recommend the independent non-tax-avoiding Hive link here: http://www.hive.co.uk/book/so-a-comedian-walks-into-a-church-confessions-of-a-kneel-down-stand-up/16927686/), I conducted a survey too.

Its results form the epilogue of the book, but here are some nuggets that my 268 respondents told me:

49% are Anglican 

30% are Evangelical

21% are Charismatic

18% are Baptist 

16% are Methodist

7% are Pentecostal

4% are Roman Catholic

…Wow, add that up and that means 145% of people are churchgoers. Oh, except there’s some overlap of each category, because some are Evangelical Anglicans, and some are Roman Catholic Methodists (not many, granted). Oh, and I deliberately targeted the survey at churchgoers, so that’s why there are so few atheists and Jedis.

Other findings:

 

Descriptions of church ranged ‘growing church-plants’ (presumably like hydrangias) to High Anglican ‘bells and smells’, via ‘Anglo-Catholic mixed with Charismatic Evangelical’, ‘Post-evangelical’ and even the baffling ‘Revangelical’, which must either mean that it’s evangelical again, or that it’s a spelling mistake. Some were part of ‘church without walls’: groups in cafés, or a market traders’ church, or what one described as ‘radical panto-style’.

Some commented to me that Christianity could be let down by ritualistic ‘Sunday-only Christians’. 71% said that ‘church’ happens on Monday to Saturday, more than on Sundays. Yet Sundays were still seen as sacred: ‘I’d like ‘Happy Sunday’ to become a regular expression, like ‘Happy Christmas’,’ said one surveyee.

76% thought their church focused strongly on biblical teaching, while 19% felt it not to be a priority, with a further 5% who said the Bible was barely taught at all. The statistics were similar for sung worship and prayer.

Most said that instead, the emphases of their churches were on serving the local community and welcoming newcomers. It meant that half felt church wasn’t challenging enough, but there was a real sense that local church should be a hub of help. Some said we could go further: ‘We’re too concerned with ‘style of worship’ or the colour of the floor. We need to be serving the community around us.’

The modern need of a food bank is a topic I bring up on tomorrow’s Pause For Thought – catch it on Radio 2 at 5:45am, or more likely, Listen Again. And you can hear me further waffling about Christianity and comedy in a BBC1 documentary tomorrow (Wednesday 27th April) at 11:05pm. 

One day I’ll get around to putting more of these survey results up here. For now though I’ve just got to ask: what in the world is radical panto-style church? (The devil? “He’s behind you!” “Oh no he isn’t.” “Oh yes he is…”)

Religiocomedy + lots of plugs

Tags

book, Comedy, Pause For Thought, Religion

It’s a big day for me and religiocomedy. Today I not only preached to the nation (well, a few truckers) in the coveted 5:45am slot of Radio 2’s Pause For Thought (listen again from 44:30 here: http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b01r4xxq – I’m after Ladies Night, which is how it should be), but also did similarly in text form via the 40Acts website –  http://40acts.org.uk/blog/share-a-good-joke/.

They’re setting 40 challenges each day for Lent: rather than give something up, give something out. So today I’m ‘challenging’ people to share a good joke. May not sound like much of a challenge – it wouldn’t last a full hour of Challenge Anneka where they paint a ceiling or something – but then I’ve heard some people at gigs try jokes on me, and clearly they found it very challenging. “Here’s one for ya… There was a nun, a Muslim and a… no hang on, not a nun – a plumber…”

Both these Christiocomedic serherhermons come one week before my book hits shelves (or shelf): So A Comedian Walks Into A Church. There’s a theme here: comedy and Christianity trying to work together. It’s a very narrow overlap on the Venn diagram, but it’s there – after all, vicar and stand-up comic both are used to performing to people who’ve been dragged along, trying to hold the attention while the microphone breaks, and starting their piece with a couple of dodgy jokes.

So it looks this is the year I ‘come out’ (as a Christian, not as a homosexual – that’ll be years away yet). Not that I’ve ever hidden my faith on the circuit – I just don’t profess it from the mic, cos, well, it’s not that funny. If I find an angle, I’ll do what I can with it, but for now apart from the odd car journey if it comes up (whereupon it’s become a very odd car journey), I’ve kept the church gigs and the circuit gigs pretty much separate.

Non-churchy people: fear not. I’m not about to use the microphone/keyboard to sneak bits of God into stand-up routines/sitcom scripts. I’ll sneak bits of me in, because that’s what all writers do. That’s unavoidable, and necessary, and nice.

So…

…for the next 5 Wednesdays, you can hear me at 5:45am on Radio 2’s Pause For Thought, or more likely, on iPlayer thereafter.

…you can buy my book about church and the comedy circuit, from next Wednesday (or pre-order now: http://www.darton-longman-todd.co.uk/books/9780232529791/So-A-Comedian-Walks-Into-a-Church).

….you can see me on BBC1 during Easter Week chatting to Ann Widdecombe about Christianity and comedy, and where the line is, and if there’s a line at all. Basically you won’t be able to move for me waffling on about gags & God, punchlines & pews, pulpits & bearpits, (Subscribe here http://paulkerensa.com/lists/?p=subscribe&id=1 to my mailing list for details of all this nonsense)

What I’m really saying is, vote Kerensa for Pope. I may not be Catholic but I do like ceilings with nice pictures on. Simply put, I miss Challenge Anneka.